a quick glance over my shoulder before tumbling over the precipice

catchy title, I know. sometimes the brilliant ones take a long time to come up with and sometimes they just come to you. this particular mouthful was a case of the latter.

I feel like I’m caught in a river that’s about to sweep me over the edge down a thundering waterfall. there’s no time to slow down, consider what’s about to happen, prepare for the bottom, or even feel particularly sad about what’s being left behind. I’m sure there will be plenty of time for all of that later, it’ll probably all hit me as I’m driving out there and I realize how much I’m going to miss everyone. but for now all I can do is hold on and embrace what’s about to happen.

For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m moving to Minneapolis this weekend. It’s been something that I’ve been asking God about since I left, to be honest. I know that there were reasons He called me back to Colorado and I’m glad to have experienced all that I have, but from the moment I came back I haven’t been able to embrace this as the place that I’m supposed to be. I did two years of the furnace and lived on my own for a year before finally feeling like God was saying that the time had come. I’m not sure what I’m going to be doing or for how long, I just know that it’s time to go back. I’m don’t even know why I’ve been wanting to go back so bad. True, one of my best friends lives there, but every time I think about how cold it gets during the winter I wonder if I’ve lost my mind. Areas that get so cold that your car won’t start in the morning shouldn’t be inhabited by humans.

Oh well. Just keep focusing on the positive. That’s what I keep telling myself. But really, it amazes me that I’ve only been home for 3 years when I think about all that’s happened. Been to Berlin twice, backpacked Europe, went skydiving, was in my first relationship, moved in and out of my dad’s house three times, lived in a creepy building in Old Colorado City, lived at the church, worked at Chick-fil-a, worked at Starbucks, bought a Subaru, saw most of my friends from the Honor Academy get married, it all seems like a blur but I really have been blessed to experience all that I have. I definitely reverted to my old, extremely introverted self but I have made a few really great friends that I’ll keep in touch with.

I recently watched a movie (preview) in which one character remarked to another that “everyone is lost at 25”. I’m sure that’s not really true, it’s probably not even really true of me but I do feel a certain freedom to be lost if I need to be. My life is by no means figured out. I have no plans whatsoever for the future and am not sure why this move is so important. I just have to remind myself that “not all who wander are lost” (thank you, Mr. Tolkien) and that “man makes his plans but the Lord directs his steps” (thank you, King Solomon). Life truly is a journey…